The Psychology Behind Feeling Happy and Centered
Being happy may be the most cherished goal of all. As a Clinical Psychologist, I often hear patients say, “I just want to be happy.” It’s a worthy goal—but how do we actually achieve it?
This article explores that question through the lens of Social Learning Theory (SLT) and one of its core ideas: developing an Internal Locus of Control. When you understand what truly motivates you, happiness becomes a more reachable and sustainable outcome.
Defining The Problem: A Clear Path To The Solution
The first step to solving any problem is being able to clearly define it. From a Social Learning Theory (SLT) perspective, that means understanding your goals, values, and what “happiness” really means to you.
Happiness looks different for everyone. That’s why we need a flexible, individualized approach—one that moves beyond vague ideas and gets specific. SLT gives us the structure to do just that by helping us turn insight into Focused Action.
Let’s walk through how it works.
Understanding Social Learning Theory (SLT)
Social Learning Theory (SLT) begins with a simple but powerful idea: you are goal-directed. Even if your goals aren’t fully clear yet, SLT provides a process for uncovering them through focused problem-solving.
In SLT, a goal is called a Reward Value (RV)—your preference for one outcome over another. Often, these goals are grouped together into broader themes known as Need Values (NVs), which reflect what you find meaningful and motivating.
To help you clarify your goals, let’s look at six key Need Values that shape how you think, act, and feel.
Six Key Need Values (NVs)
- Recognition-Status
The need to feel competent, valued, and acknowledged in work, social settings, or personal pursuits. It includes achieving a level of skill or respect that distinguishes you. - Protection-Dependency
The need for safety, reassurance, and support from others. This may involve depending on people or systems to reduce stress and help meet personal needs. - Dominance
The desire to direct or influence others’ behavior—often in family, friendships, or team settings. Do people follow your suggestions? That may matter more to you than you realize. - Independency
The need to make your own decisions and succeed on your own terms. It reflects a drive for autonomy and self-reliance. - Love and Affection
The need to feel emotionally connected, accepted, and cared for—separate from status or achievement. This includes close, personal relationships where you feel valued for who you are. - Physical Comfort
The desire for environments and routines that feel safe, soothing, or stable. It includes both physical ease and emotional security.
Identifying Your Need Values
Which of the six Need Values matters most to you right now?
Take a moment to rank each one from 1 to 10—10 being the most important to your sense of fulfillment. This simple exercise helps clarify what truly drives you and reveals which rewards bring the most satisfaction in your life.
For instance, if Independency ranks highest, it likely means an Internal Locus of Control plays a major role in your decisions and behaviors. Recognizing that connection can help you understand why certain situations feel rewarding—and why others leave you drained or frustrated.
To feel centered and happy, your daily actions need to reflect your core values. That’s what Goal Direction is all about: aligning what you do with what matters most.
Self-Learning And The Six Need Values
Self-Learner And Independence
If Independence is a high Need Value, you may:
- Want to make your own decisions without outside interference
- Feel frustrated in controlling environments
- Seek opportunities that allow autonomy and skill-building
Action:
Build skills that support self-reliance and align with your personal goals.
Self-Learner And Recognition-Status
When Recognition-Status matters most, you might:
- Feel discouraged without acknowledgment of your efforts
- Thrive in environments with clear performance feedback
- Compare your success to others to gauge your value
Action:
Find roles and relationships where your strengths are noticed and valued.
Self-Learner And Dominance
With a strong Dominance need, you may:
- Prefer taking the lead in group settings
- Struggle with collaboration unless you’re in charge
- Experience friction in relationships due to control issues
Action:
Reflect on your leadership style and consider ways to balance control with cooperation.
Recognizing this pattern helps you manage tension and develop more balanced interactions.
Self-Learner And Protection-Dependency
If Protection-Dependency is high, you might:
- Seek reassurance and direction from others
- Avoid making decisions without outside input
- Adopt others’ values instead of forming your own
Action:
Strengthen your Internal Locus of Control by taking small steps toward independent thinking and action.
Self-Learner And Personal Comfort
A high value for Personal Comfort may lead you to:
- Prioritize safety, security, and routine
- Avoid risk or change
- Create emotionally and physically protective environments
Action:
Focus on building inner calm through skill development rather than external control.
Self-Learner And Love And Affection
If Love and Affection is your top need, you may:
- Depend on others’ approval for self-worth
- Constantly seek emotional connection or reassurance
- Feel emotionally unsettled without validation
Action:
Shift from external validation to self-acceptance by focusing on your intrinsic value.
The Personal Concerns Inventory (PCI): A Tool For Self-Assessment
You can explore your Need Values in depth by using the Personal Concerns Inventory (PCI), a powerful self-assessment tool that reveals what truly motivates you. While the six Need Values provide a helpful framework, the PCI offers a more personalized approach to understanding your psychological landscape.
In just 20 minutes, it evaluates over 1,000 personal concerns and organizes them into three categories: Primary, Secondary, and Highly Focused Concerns. Your personalized “This is Me” report delivers specific, self-reflective insights into what may be holding you back—and where growth is possible.
By identifying key concerns and patterns, the PCI helps clarify your direction and empowers you to take meaningful, focused action.
Example: Connecting PCI Results To Need Values
Your PCI results can also reveal how your personal concerns align with the six Need Values. For example:
If your report highlights challenges in your marriage, workplace, or close relationships—and you discover a high Need Value for Dominance—it may signal a deeper pattern. A strong drive to control others can often lead to conflict, especially when those around you resist being directed. Recognizing this connection is a key step in Self-Learning.
This awareness allows you to clearly verbalize the problem and uncover practical solutions. Self-Learning means turning insight into action—so you can grow, adapt, and move toward more fulfilling outcomes.
Strategy For Focused Action
At its core, Self-Learning is a process of psychoeducation—gaining insight into yourself to build a stronger Internal Locus of Control. It starts with understanding how your core needs and values may sometimes conflict with your goals.
True balance and happiness come from meeting your unique needs—not from outside validation. No one else can do this work for you. When you take responsibility for your choices and actions, you empower yourself to take control of your fulfillment and well-being.
Moving Forward With Self-Learning
Happiness and balance begin with understanding your needs, values, and motivations—then taking purposeful steps toward growth. When you identify the gaps between your goals and daily actions, you create the opportunity for meaningful change.
This path isn’t about quick fixes or seeking approval from others. It’s about embracing your own journey with curiosity, clarity, and commitment.
You’ve already taken the first step by reflecting on what drives you. Keep going. The more you understand your unique motivations, the more clearly you can chart a path toward lasting happiness and self-direction.