A World Without Love

Elizabeth Barrett Browning once asked, “How do I love thee?”—a question that still resonates today. But what if the word “love” disappeared altogether? Would we even notice? Let’s take a closer look at love, not just as an emotion, but as a word—shaped by culture, language, and our personal understanding of what it means to care.

A World Without “Love”

Imagine a world where the word “love” was banned—considered too vague, too volatile, too dangerous. What would change?

Popular music would lose its central theme.
Frank Sinatra might never have left Hoboken.
The Beatles would be unemployed.
“I love you” would be replaced with “See you around.”
Facebook “likes” might feel more meaningful.
Polyvagal theorists would talk about “bonding responses.”
Social learning theorists would measure “reward value.”
Politicians might not change much at all.

This thought experiment reminds us how deeply love is woven into our everyday lives—even when it’s poorly defined.

Love Is A Language Problem

Welsh poet Dylan Thomas once said, “We all suffer from the barrier of a common language.” Nowhere is this more apparent than with the word “love.” It can mean everything—or nothing at all.

Ordinary language is full of metaphor, emotion, and ambiguity. Scientific language, by contrast, strives for precision. But can something as powerful as love be captured with logic, ratios, or behavioral equations?

Even Galileo thought so, writing: “Mathematics is the language in which God has written the universe.” Maybe what love really needs is less passion and more clarity.

Visceral vs. Cognitive Love

We can think of love in two distinct ways:

Visceral love feels like passion, desire, or longing. It’s raw and reactive.
Cognitive love is grounded in thought—mutual respect, trust, and commitment.

While visceral love often leads to impulsive actions (lavish weddings, hasty decisions), cognitive love supports lasting connection. Polyvagal Theory explains this well: our physiology shapes whether we feel safe enough to love deeply.

Measuring What Matters

In business, we say, “What gets measured gets done.” In relationships, clarity creates confidence.

To support this clarity, I developed the Personal Concerns Inventory (PCI)—a free online tool that helps individuals name, rate, and prioritize over 1,000 personal concerns. In about 20 minutes, users receive a private “This Is Me!” report. No judgment. No outside influence.

The PCI reflects a deeper idea from Julian Rotter’s Social Learning Theory: people function better when they have an Internal Locus of Control—a belief that they can understand and act on their own concerns.

When it comes to love, vague language creates confusion. The PCI helps remove the fog.

A Practical Tool for Growth

The PCI isn’t just about data—it’s about personal insight. Coaches, counselors, and individuals use it to start meaningful conversations, solve problems more efficiently, and move forward with greater confidence.

Whether your concern is love, purpose, or pain, the path to growth begins with a simple act: defining the problem.

Bringing Meaning Back To The Word “Love”

Love may remain a beautifully messy word. But if we bring clarity to the conversation—through thoughtful language, accurate tools, and a deeper understanding of ourselves—we gain something far more valuable than a definition. We gain connection.

As physicist Richard Feynman once said, “I don’t see how understanding nature in greater depth detracts from beauty. It only adds to it.”